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9.20.2005 ||> For all things turn to barenness, in the dim glass the demons hold
People often get confused when I cry. Most people cry when they are sad or something bad happens. Occasionally, people cry to manipulate. I don't. When I'm sad or feeling unlucky, I can typically be found staring off into space to going to bed early. The only time I cry is at movies (and boy will I cry at anything!) and when the alternative is planting my fist through someone's face.
Last Friday it happened at work, when I had the biggest freakout since I left the Peace Corps. I felt it coming on and it was so strong that it was like I could feel my skin turning to ash in the force of the nuclear blast of my anger. So I went outside to freak out privately. Well, one of my co-workers told my boss and when he sat me in his office and told me he was concerned, I felt the tears come because I know he's full of shit and I wanted to throw his desk through the window.
At that point, I could have.
So today I go to work, expecting any day to have to quit before I get another job. I know that quitting like that is the most stupid thing ever, but I'm like a cornered animal, trapped.
0 snow blossoms
