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3.28.2005 ||> You carry on because it’s all you know
Perspective is such a strange and fleeting thing. It's one of those things that seems so logical and right. Well, if I can see it this way, of course it must be true. When you begin to lose perspective, the loss is an insidious entity that happens so slowly that only someone inhumanly self-aware would notice the change. The shift still retains that sense of rightness to you, but not to anyone else.
The thing to remember though, is that it happens to everyone. Those what was I thinking moments can be constructive so that one can better see the slippery slope the next time. Anyone who answers "no, never" is either lying or a hermit.
The reason I'm bringing this up is that a certain teacher has noticed that her temper has gone downhill. I was a much worse teacher. I was not afraid to yell and make a scene if my students disrupted class or cheated or tried to burn their textbooks in class. I tore up cheaters' tests in the middle of lessons and threw students out because they just could not be quiet.
But I also loved them all very much. One of the reasons I won't teach is that I ended up caring too much.
Since this is more of a ramble, I'll also say that I think one of the reasons I didn't get another interview in the job I didn't want anyway, is that one of the questions was actually a role play of a child not wanting to learn. I told the chick who interviewed me that my inclination was just to let the child stew, mainly because I still feel too burned out to enforce or reason out effort anymore.
But it's all perspective. From my vantage point, it just looks as if a tired, abused teacher has finally reached the point where she needs to get out and regain composure. From hers, it's that something has gone terribly wrong.
I don't know the moral to this. When I've explored it enough in my own head, I'll get back to it.
0 snow blossoms
