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1.03.2006 ||> The can of worms
I've been thinking about chemistry a lot lately. David came to visit me this weekend with an unintended present of a Barnes and Noble gift card. It let me buy Eleven on Top and He's Just Not That Into You, which are both light fluff and fun to read, but really got me thinking about relationships. Of course, it's a bit strange that the silliest books have me thinking deep thoughts tonight, but my brain always keeps me guessing.
Let's start with the second book. I bought it because I believe that if a book is wildly popular, it's good. No matter how bad Tom Clancy gets, that opinion refuses to budge. And this book was pretty good for what it was, which is a reality check for women in a bad relationship who are lying to themselves about it. Clearly, if he's not calling you, having sex with other people, or tells you that you're unattractive he's not the one. And since I have lied to myself to keep a doomed relationship or two afloat in the past, I can't judge. Interestingly enough, it made me wonder if I have been truly into some of the guys I've dated. I turned it around on myself and used it as a way to indicate some of my behavior with people, and I have to say it was pretty accurate in predicting how some things have gone.
And now onto the fiction. Stephanie Plum is my favorite bounty hunter wannabe and if you have not read any of the eleven books in this series, you are missing out. The thing I like about these books is that they are both deeply funny and sexy at the same time. I can feel the chemistry coming off the pages in waves and I love it. But it also makes me to reflect on a hollowness I've been feeling lately.
A couple of years ago I decided that getting along with a significant other was more important than being passionate, over the moon crazy about them. This came about because I seemed to only get crazy about guys who were also legitimately crazy in the first place. If I were still twenty, I would have chalked it up to a curse or something superstitious. At twenty four I felt it just meant that my taste in men could not be trusted. So I decided to give more guys a chance: if they asked me out, I would try and damn the first impression. Which ended up in at least two okay scenarios that lacked any real passion at all.
But what the books reminded me was that I actually have been head over heels for guys that weren't crazy. Emotionally unavailable, sure, but not nuts. So baby steps. But I have been dating this guy lately and I sort of felt like I wasn't sure. Do I even like him? Am I just not that into him? He's attractive, hard working, and a bit of a dork. So what's not to love? Have the tables turned on emotional availability? I don't know. At the end of this long, rambling blog entry there's still an open point. How soon should you be able to tell chemistry? And how can I get some of mine back?
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